You know your child can do it, but you're tired of asking again and again

Once they've started, they usually manage the work. But before it gets that far, you have to ask, remind them, and often spell out exactly what they should start with.

That's frustrating, because you can see that your child could do it alone.

You want to hand them more responsibility. But you're not sure whether anything would happen at all if you held back.

So you play homework police again, even though that's exactly what you want to get away from.

Right now the responsibility often sits with you

Even if they do the homework in the end, you are the one who has to make sure something happens. That's one more annoying task every day that you have to keep in your head.

You want them to think of it themselves and work more independently. But simply saying nothing is hard too, when you don't know whether they will actually take on that responsibility.

Of course you don't want this school year to turn into a disaster either.

So once again you ask how the studying is going.

Why your involvement could even be counterproductive

That your child doesn't actively take responsibility doesn't have to have anything to do with diligence or motivation.

As long as you take on the role of homework police, they don't have to think about it.

For your child, the whole “planning” of their efforts is therefore not their business, but yours.

And every time you step in, it also gives them a bit of the feeling that you don't trust them to sort it out on their own.

The developmental psychologist David Yeager stresses how important it is for adolescents to be respected and taken seriously.¹ Those who feel controlled tend to push back rather than take responsibility.

This creates a negative spiral: because you see no effort from their side, you remind them that it's time to get going.

And at the same time they don't start, precisely because you reminded them.

Why stopping altogether isn't a solution either

“Well, if that's how it is, I'll just leave it,” you may be thinking.

Unfortunately that isn't an ideal solution either: in the end, your child simply hasn't yet built up the reflex and the rhythm to tackle all of it alone.

It's often better to go about it step by step.

Otherwise you risk the result in the next test turning into a total disaster, and you jumping back into the old mode.

For this transition it is important that you involve them directly in the discussion, and take their views and suggestions seriously.

Concretely, that means agreeing together when homework gets done and when studying happens. And also how they think this can best be reconciled with their hobbies and interests.

Interactive learning resources can make this easier and give you, and them too, a clear and neutral view of their efforts.

That also makes it easier for them to actually take responsibility.

That way you can, with a clear conscience, step back from this topic bit by bit.

On the next page you'll see how the LuxEdu app can help you make this process as easy and stress-free as possible.